Bold: Supporting argument in each body paragraph
Underline: Thesis and supporting quotes in each body paragraph
Red: Opposing statement to prove thesis statement is an opinion
In life, when a person experiences something traumatic or enjoyable, they express emotion. This emotion is a way to not only express feeling on the experience, but also deal with the experience itself. It is believed, however, that emotions are better off not being expressed at all, and that focus and success in life is only achieved by going through life without any emotion towards things one encounters. These beliefs are collected in a philosophy known as stoicism. Stoicism is the belief that, when confronted with hardships, one must control one’s emotions; the events surrounding the death of Seneca are a perfect illustration of stoicism in action. Given the definition of stoicism, which is the belief that when confronted with hardships, one must control one’s emotion, Seneca’s attitude and actions during the events of his death clearly did not demonstrate the philosophy of stoicism.
Stoicism is demonstrated in The Death of Seneca is many ways. Tacitus states, “Seneca, quite unmoved, asked for tablets on which to inscribe his will, and, on the centurion's refusal, turned to his friends, protesting that as he was forbidden to requite them, he bequeathed to them the only, but still the noblest possession yet remaining to him, the pattern of his life, which, if they remembered, they would win a name for moral worth and steadfast friendship.” Here, Seneca is being told that he has been sentenced to death. Traits of Seneca that majorly demonstrate stoicism are illustrated in this excerpt. After being told that he was sentenced to death, Seneca did not react as he was probably expected to react. If someone was told they were going to die, they would express many different emotions in response to this, rather than just moving on right away and continuing with their lives. Seneca, however, did the exact opposite. He did not seem to mind that he was being sentenced to death, or at least he did not explicitly show it. He was worried about his will and what his friends would get of his after his death. Even when being told he was going to die, Seneca continued to demonstrate stoic qualities.
During his execution, Seneca failed to show any noticeable signs of pain and suffering. It was as though he kept it all bottled up inside of him. “Even at the last moment his eloquence failed him not; he summoned his secretaries, and dictated much to them which, as it has been published for all readers in his own words, I forbear to paraphrase,” Tacitus says. Instead of showing his pain and other emotions that are expected during a forced death such as this, Seneca called in his secretaries and dictated something to them. Substituting the natural reaction to such an experience was the passive and indifferent attitude of stoicism. Even when faced with a terrible and horrifying experience, Seneca still managed to portray extremely stoical values. This shows that one must demonstrate stoicism in all experiences one encounters.
1. Only 3 paragraphs. Each had at least 5 sentences.
ReplyDelete2 Clear, coherent thesis statement expressing an opinion to be argued in the paper. Yes
3. One quote for each paragraph, but not proper in-text citations. (author, date)
4. Four sentences per body paragraph analysis. Yes
5. No conclusion paragraph.
6. No fourth paragraph.
7. There were no 1st or 2nd personal pronouns.
8. Academic Tone: No slang, no contractions, make it coherent and readable. Yes
9. You avoided generalization well, but try to make some of your statements less redundant in your analyses.
10. Avoid unnecessary information: "more" quotes doesn't mean a "better" paper. Yes. Only one quote per body paragraph.
11. Original and honest writing voice and a creative and remarkable take on the subject. Try to apply this more to your writing. Put more of your emotion into it.
A)Make your paragraphs a little shorter, you seemed to talk a bit, but nice job!
ReplyDeleteB)Other than the long paragraphs your format is good.
C)I enjoyed reading your essay, you seemed to write your opinion strongly.
D)In the Intro, dive right into Seneca because he is one of the main focuses of the essay.
P.S Trevor, your missing two paragraphs!
Nice job Trevor, hope to see you on the XC course next year.... Trevor :)
Travis, that was extremely well written. You listen your information very clearly, and it was a well written and complete thought that flowed with creativity, intellect, and fantastic thought. A truely well written essay that deserves fantastic.No contractions, and it was amazing. But, missing a few paragraphs?
ReplyDeleteNOT FIVE PARAGRAPHS! Very strong introductory and thesis statement. Too much unneeded information in second paragraph. Good last supporting paragraph. Don't forget to have an in text citation for each of your quotes!
ReplyDelete3 paragraphs and missing the restated thesis in the conclusion paragraph citations in the wrong format and your paragraphs are a little wordy other then that good paper.
ReplyDelete